You Are Asian If ------> 1.Your parents never wear clothes that match 2.When you eat rice with just about anything...including American Food 3.When everyone thinks you know kungfu or karate 4.When you think you know kungfu or karate 5.You think 5'6" is tall 6.Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm 7.Your dad is some sort of engineer 8.Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you when you were really 15 9.You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing 10.You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry 11.You shop 99 Ranch 12.Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from 13.You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life. 14.Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids. 15.You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asianwomen attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest or library. 16.Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage." 17.You drive mostly Japanese cars. 18.You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom. 19.You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs. 20.At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius say . . . " 21.You know what bok choy is 22.You've ever gotten little red envelopes around February. 23.Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors. 24.You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you. (e.g., Jean- ee - yah! or Mary - yah!). 25.You have NO eyelashes. 26.Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc . . . 27.Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin. 28.The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner 29.Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher. 30.At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses 31.Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more." 32.Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian. 33.An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?" 34.Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both 35.Your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!" 36.Everyone thinks you're good at math. 37.Your parents' vocabulary is filled with "Ai-yahs and Wah's" 38.You like $1.75 movies 39.You like $1.50 movies even more. 40.Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime green. 41.Your parents insist you marry within your race. 42.You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation oriental food. 43.You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it. 44.Your parents have never kissed you 45.Your parents have never kissed each other 46.You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents 47."You want a stereo!" When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!" 48.People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate. 49.You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle." 50.You have 12+ aunts and uncles 51.At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert. 52.Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat it anyway. It's still good." 53.The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses. 54.You will most likely be taller than your parents. 55.Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin or both. 56.You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't 57.When going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a gift. 58.Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top. 59.Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both. 60.Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e., Michael Chang) 61.The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture. 62.You have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine. 63.You own a rice cooker or two 64.You buy soy sauce by the gallon. 65.Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head. 66.Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going. 67.Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come." How to be a Perfect Asian Parent (from the second generation perspective)

1- Be a little more lenient on the 7pm curfew. 2- Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with 99 grade on his/her report card. 3- Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits. 4- Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Hah-foo (Harvard), Yal-uh (Yale), Stan-foo (Stanford), and Emeh-I-Tee (MIT). 5- Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community. 6- Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life" if he/she majors in a non-science field. 7- Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs. 8- Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills. 9- Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" into your daily conversations with your children. 10- Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet. How to be a Perfect Asian Kid (from the first generation perspective)